No sooner than I’d written the above about the incredible invisible hedgehogs it’s to be expected that all hell would break loose. As I’ve mentioned before, since they stole my spare smartphone my local gang have been monitoring the internet and no doubt out there on the “dark web” hatching plots and sharing designs for trail camera defeat devices. They clearly saw my post and thought “Let’s have him!”.
Starting this week they have resumed overt offensive activities and causing grief before it gets really dark. Just last night I was out surveying my estate when one of the brutes decided he didn’t want me around and proceeded to charge straight at me on the patio three times!
Just standing there minding my own business and out from the foxgloves comes Dillon, at speed, onto the patio. Not stopping to sniff anything he headed straight for my feet. With the grace of a leaping salmon (not) I side-stepped him which seemed to come as surprise and he curled up. Deftly moving to behind him I waited and he uncurled, looked about and headed straight back at me! He must have a thing about Uggs slippers I thought. Moving behind again the same scenario occurred but this time, with all the courage I could muster, I stood my ground. 2″ from collision he stopped, turned around and headed for the Dianthus. I’ll get him tonight, I’m going to change my shoes and put shorts on. Let’s see if he dares try the same tactics against that gruesome onslaught!
Meanwhile I am pretty convinced that that Chantelle has hoglets back in the nest. She’s coming out much earlier in the evening, eating shedloads in seconds then heading home at speed. Classic behaviour from an unmarried mother with young revolutionaries being fattened up. This could get ugly very soon. Anyway, here she is…
All this time Her Majesty Madge has hardly been seen. I know she’s about but is obviously saving her energy for motivating the ground troops rather than leading the charge herself. She’ll no doubt be multiplying soon (she’s a right old benefits generator is Madge) and then we’ll have a whole new army to deal with. It’s hard to describe the tension in the air as the annual running battles with rabid revolutionary hogs gets into full swing. Hamsters must be so much easier.